A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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