I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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