lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
