In the future we'll all be gay
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
