Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize