I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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