I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
