I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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