At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
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And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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