I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
