No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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