My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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