ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
