Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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