idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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