I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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