The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
