I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
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For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?