roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.