Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life