If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So much Jack, so little girl.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.