Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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