At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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