i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
