Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
