Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
