they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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