I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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