I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
