she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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