Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
