Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
