Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
