We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
