had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
