I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
