I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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