I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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