Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize