My friends, they love my intelligence
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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