Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
