I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
