It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
