if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
