There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
