He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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