I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
