weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
