I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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