i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
