Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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