So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
