I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
