Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
