Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
