I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
