I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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