hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
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hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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