Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
