y did u give ur computer a hand job?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
