It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
