Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
