u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
