I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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