i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize