So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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