Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
